Can't Pretend
by lollilolli123
Summary: Suzaku finds himself in a rather interesting situation, he's killed someone and has been sent to a mental institution. It is there where he takes interest in another patient, Lelouch Vi Britannia. But is the teenage psych ward really the best place for misplaced romance?
1. Chapter 1

_**Fucking Australia. I can't write gay fanfiction without a giantass Huntsman appearing right beside my bed. I tried to make friends with him but he was like 'noooo ew human, get away from me' so he had to be neutralized. I try and be the fucking spider whisperer and shit but spiders just don't want to play nice.**_

* * *

_"What are you writing?"_

_"My suicide note."_

* * *

So boring. I want to go home. Wait, there is no home anymore.

I hope there aren't any psycho's locked up in here.

_But you're a psycho..._

Shut up.

"Mr. Kururugi, could you slide your left hand under the glass for me?"

No please?

The metal was cool against the palm of my hand as I snaked it under the glass that was separating me from an elderly lady.

"You are not to take this bracelet off under any circumstance do you understand me, Mr. Kururugi?"

"Whatever..."

I retracted my hand the moment the plastic bracelet clicked into place, inspecting the black, slanted writing on it.

'Patient Suzaku Kururugi: Highly Unstable. To be watched at all times.'

I would have laughed had the situation been funnier. 'Highly Unstable', 'To be watched at all times.' Sounded like something out of a fucking box office movie, starring an angsty teen that was struggling through life. Who evidently ended up in a mental institution because he was screwed in the head due to the fact his father touched him as a child.

My father might not have touched me as a child but I could safely say I was screwed in the head.

"Mr. Kururugi come this way please," a man in really stereotypical male nurse clothes, insisted.

I shrugged, following the man through a labyrinth of corridors and rooms. "Mr. Kururugi, you'll been in the teen wing of this particular ward and are not to leave there unless given express permission, got it?"

"Alright," I replied.

Why did they keep asking if I understood? I might be crazy but I wasn't brain dead.

"Now..."

Blah blah blah. Rules, rules, rules. As if I cared. I felt free. I may be inside an institution but I was free.

_But was your freedom worth it's price?_

Do be quiet; I'm trying to enjoy my time in the nut house.

_Whatever you say..._

"Well, Mr. Kururugi, you're just in time for dinner, allow me to show you where the food hall is."

Taking in the scene before me I sighed dejectedly. Well this was fucking boring. Where were all the crazy's rocking back in forth in the corner? And the downright creepy looking patients? What a disappointment. This was just a conglomeration of fucked up looking brats.

I retrieved my dinner tray of mashed potatoes, vegetables and some form of roast chicken before seating myself on and unoccupied table. The meal was simultaneously too salty and too bland. Did the people who make these things ever bother to taste them?

When I was finished I was escorted to my room. They were gracious enough to not make me share however that probably had to do more with the fact they were worried I'd suffocate my roommate in their sleep rather than privacy. Hah, all the other patients seemed dreadfully dull anyway and I'd take no pleasure in killing a single one of them.

* * *

"M-My name's Rollo and I...I...I..."

"It's okay Rollo, if you don't want to talk about it I won't push you," Cecile, the group therapist soothed. "Kallen? Are you prepared to discuss how you handled that situation with those group of people wrong?"

"What do you want me to say? That what I did was wrong? That I have 'unresolved anger issues." They fucking deserved it. They deserved getting the shit beaten out of them," Kallen replied aggressively.

"Kallen, there will be no swearing in this group," Cecile said firmly.

The fiery red-head proceeded to scowl and slouch back in her seat, angrily tapping her foot against the tiled floor. Wow. What a stress head. I hoped I didn't get on her bad side. Then again, she shouldn't be getting on my bad side either.

"Shirley, would you like to share anything with the group?"

A rather skittish looking girl jolted to attention, staring wide eyed at the group therapist before her eyes began darting around, searching for another girl named Shirley. When none suddenly jumped out from behind a pot plant she turned her attention back to Cecile. "No. Definitely not. I have nothing to share. Let's move on."

Cecile sighed. She wasn't having much luck today. Perhaps the presence of a new person disrupted the group...speaking of the new person. "Suzaku, we haven't heard a word from you yet. What brings you here?"

Way to sound like this was some casual get together as opposed to a crazy session in the psych ward. "Well I killed someone. Then I was diagnosed as crazy and I ended up being sent here to be 'fixed'."

On the surface Cecile seemed calm about what I had just disclosed but somehow I could tell I'd gotten under her skin. She knew I was dangerous now. They all did. Good, I'd prefer it that way. I surveyed the group, drinking in their expressions, shock, horror, anger...boredom? How dare someone be bored whilst I told them of my misdeed.

That bored expression was settled on the face of a lithe male, wearing a turtle neck and black jeans. Actually, he didn't just appear to be bored with my divulgence, he appeared to bored with everything. At least it wasn't personal.

Apparently my observations of the ebony haired guy had given the therapist enough time to gather her thoughts, "Well, I suppose this is a rather obvious question but...who did you kill?"

"My father."

She quickly jotted something down in the file she had balanced precariously on her crossed legs. If she wrote 'father issues' under my name I'd literally kill her.

_Killing isn't the solution to everything._

If I try hard enough it bloody well could be.

"What lead you to committing this crime?" Cecile questioned.

I rocked back in my chair. I didn't really feel like answering anything else so I simply wouldn't. Not unless my mood changed, so I then ignored her for the rest of the session as I half listened in to her unhelpful attempts to get people to discuss what was troubling them. At one point I did pay particular attention when the dark haired guy -Lelouch was apparently his name- opened his mouth and politely declined discussing what was ailing him.

* * *

I was starting to get interested in this person called 'Lelouch' after observing him for several days. He associated well with others when the situation called for it yet he was constantly alone. He handled the turbulent Kallen when she was unmanageable; he coaxed Shirley out of her shell and appeared to be the only one Rollo even bothered to talk to. Lelouch was always writing in this damn little black journal...and wearing turtle necks. But that was more of a fashion choice than anything. He was just one big mystery.

One day I was feeling rather adventurous so I approached him during free time, intent upon unravelling the mystery.

"What are you writing?"

The side of his lip quirked up a little. Not exactly a smile, more of an amused smirk. "Maybe someday I'll tell you."

He closed the diary, lightly placing his pen on the table. How irksome. He was pretty cocky for a man in the nut house.

"And what exactly have I done to gain your attention Suzaku Kururugi?" Lelouch questioned.

"I have no idea what you're talking about," I rebutted.

"Come now, Kururugi, let's not play dumb. I've noticed you studying me, I'm not blind."

"I don't ever remember sharing my last name with you, I would like to enquire how you know it."

The smirk on his face grew wider. "How could I not recognize you? Suzaku Kururugi, the Prime Minister's son. I've seen you from afar before, at parties and such but have never had the pleasure of meeting you properly."

Parties? Like my father parties? Where he would take me out parade me around prior to locking me back in my room? Or was he talking about ones away from home? The ones where I had to look extra nice and behave even better? Either way I didn't ever remember seeing Lelouch at any of these.

"What did you say _your_ name was again?" I asked politely.

"Lelouch Vi Britannia."

Oh fuck no. This might one of the most well-renowned, expensive psychiatric wards there is but there is just no way in hell the son of the one of the richest men in the world would be here.

"Kururugi don't be overly dramatic, that man's offspring aren't that unusual, there's already ten of us out there," Lelouch mentioned, tapping his fingers lightly on the table, as if this entire exchange was taxing.

"I am not being 'overly dramatic'," I scoffed.

It was natural to be a bit taken aback by all this. It wasn't everyday you met a rich bastard who held himself in high regard for a legitimate reason, Lelouch's reason being the overwhelming amount of money he possessed. Come to think of it no wonder his father was filthy rich, to raise ten kids would be damn expensive and from the looks of it Lelouch only accepted luxury.

"You've caused quite a scandal, Suzaku Kururugi. What? Did daddy not love you enough?" Lelouch said with a humourless chuckle.

"No," I replied with a dark smile.

That shut him up. Well, at least for the next ten seconds.

"Well as interesting as this has been I'm afraid it's high time I collected my meds. Goodbye Kururugi."

"Goodbye Lelouch."

* * *

**So yeah. First chapter over. How about that? Maybe you should like...review or something. That would be nice. Also I know it's short. But the shorter it is the faster the chapters will be written.  
**


	2. Chapter 2

**I forgot to mention in the last chapter but this idea stemmed from a Code Geass doujinshi called 'Heaven's Garden'. You should check it out.**

* * *

After my somewhat embarrassing encounter with Lelouch I was hesitant to approach him once more. He wasn't simple, he was complex and sharp. The dark haired teen needed to be handled with care. I needed to play his game.

After much thought I came up with a solution, that's the thing with this place, you had plenty of time to think.

I wrote him a note on a little piece of paper and when he wasn't looking, slipped it into his journal. It was nothing more than a greeting but it was enough. I soon received a reply. Stuck on the door to my room were two simple words. _'Hello Suzaku.'_

Naturally I was content. We had found a game we both didn't mind playing.

Over the course of the next week we exchanged many notes, they were all trivial in nature however they served their purpose. I was getting closer to Lelouch. Closer to figuring out the mystery.

* * *

It was a sunny day and we'd been granted access outside for a minimal amount of time. It wasn't particularly enjoyable given the harshness of the sun but it was adequate when in the shade. I spotted Lelouch on the outskirts of the group, sitting under a tree, writing in his journal again.

I eased myself into a sitting position next to him. "Hello Lelouch."

"Hello Kururugi," he replied, slamming the journal shut. He certainly kept his interests secret.

"You know you don't have to call me Kururugi, you can just call me Suzaku."

"Alright," he said, lowering the journal into his lap. I wasn't getting anywhere near that thing anytime soon.

"Horrible weather isn't it?"

He appeared relieved that someone else thought so and I wasn't surprised given his current state of dress. How many turtlenecks did he own?

"Indeed it is," Lelouch huffed, "I've always disliked hot weather."

"Why?"

"Why not? You get all sweaty and sunburnt, I simply don't see the appeal."

"Well when you're as pale as you are no wonder you get burnt."

Commenting on his physical appearance was the wrong choice of action.

"I'm going inside," Lelouch said, swiftly making his way back into the building.

I slightly hit my hand against my forehead. I was an idiot. Lelouch was...delicate? He did not take to offensive compliments. That was a sort of compliment wasn't it?

_I don't think so...  
_  
Oh shut it.

Any progress I'd made with Lelouch was obliterated the next day. He even stopped replying to my notes. The little shit. If he wasn't an incomplete puzzle I'd throw him out the window. What right did he have to ignore me anyway? Just because he was all high and mighty with his rich father he thought he could be as rude as he pleased.

A shaky voice behind me interrupted my musings about a certain dark haired annoyance. "Ah, ermmm, S-Suzaku, is it...okay if I talk to you?"

I looked away from the object of my confusion, turning my gaze to the trembling form of a teenage girl. Who was this again? Sher...Sherbert? Shanay? Wait. Shirley! That was her name.

"Of course it is Shirley, sit down," I said, gesturing to the empty seat across from me.

Shirley sat down, her hands shaking as she placed them on the table. She clasped them together in an attempt to impede her quivering, slowly rubbing her thumb across the top of her other finger. She was nervous, really nervous. I could literally feel waves of unease pour off her and I got the feeling it wasn't just talking to me that made her feel this way.

"So what did you want to talk about?" I enquired lightly. I was worried she'd run off if I was anything but soothing in both my body language and tone.

"Well...are-are you friends with Lelouch? You seem to know each other. Do you know anything about him?" Shirley blurted out, blushing in embarrassment.

She seemed to shrink before me, like suddenly she took up less space. It was as if Shirley was scared that I was going to start screaming at her for asking a few simple questions.

"We were beginning to become friends but I'm afraid I've rubbed Lelouch the wrong way and he's now a tad miffed at me. I believe we did used to know _of _each other however we did not know each other personally, I know probably less about Lelouch than you do," I replied.

"Oh..."

I leaned closer to her as she stared intently at her fingers, too mortified to respond. "But look, you could help me out here. You've been in here longer than I have and would know way more about Lelouch than me. Reckon you could help me get back in his good graces?"

"I...Lelouch doesn't like to talk about himself. I know that he has a bunch of siblings and the only person that ever comes to visit him is his maid, Sayoko. H-He was here before me but...he hasn't been here that long because I asked Rollo, who has never checked out, when Lelouch arrived and he told me about a month ago. No one actually knows why he's here, besides the staff. He never talks in group therapy, even when other people start sharing. He's really nice b-but sometimes he's... cold," Shirley said.

In some odd way Shirley lit up while talking about Lelouch. She seemed slightly more confident despite her meek aura and was blushing on and off. It took but a few minutes for the truth to click into place.

"You like Lelouch, don't you?"

Her face blossomed a bright red. "I-I, what? No way!"

This is was the loudest I'd ever heard her speak, even the way she waved her hands about spoke of the real her, not the cripplingly awkward girl I was speaking to minutes ago. How sweet, looks like Lelouch had an admirer.

"Look, calm down, I'm not going to tell him," I said, interrupting her fervent attempt to convince me that she did not in any way fancy Lelouch.

Shirley shrunk back into herself once more, lowering her head. Peeking out from under her orange bangs she quietly questioned, "is it really that obvious?"

If I was honest I probably wouldn't have noticed if I wasn't so intent upon sucking up every bit of information she possessed on Lelouch. But I was not one for honesty. I'd rather see her squirm.

"It's a bit obvious. I'd try and keep your excitement to a minimum when you talk about him," I said, leaning back.

She literally squirmed, her expression one of blatant shame. Well, she certainly wasn't as interesting as Lelouch but she was fun to play with. Shirley might come in handy at some point. She looked like a sweet little pawn.

"I uhhh, have to go now," she said, darting off before I even had the chance to say goodbye.

For the rest of the day I did not see Shirley once. Not in group therapy, group activity, lunch, dinner. It was like she had dropped off the side of the planet. Apparently I'd humiliated her more than I'd intended too. Or perhaps she was just way too sensitive...or crazy, it would certainly unsurprising given her current residence.

It was the next day when she appeared, giving off the same timid persona. She appeared shaken but not broken. I could already tell part of the reason she was in here. Shirley couldn't handle _anything_.

I approached her, asking the reason for her absence. She ignored me. No matter how hard I persisted or she began to shake not a word passed her lips. Eventually I gave up. All I was doing was gaining unwanted attention. Shirley would have been a good source of information on Lelouch had she not decided I was too risky to engage in conversation with.

Looks like I was back to square one. Observing Lelouch from afar.

* * *

**I would also like to thank my best friend Voluptuous for editing this chapter :)**


	3. Chapter 3

**So yeah. Chapter's n' stuff. That's cool ain't it?**

* * *

It was a normal day in the psych ward. Lelouch was in his room, Shirley was quivering in a corner, Rollo was pacing back and forth, Kallen was mumbling angrily to herself and I, well, I was observing all this happening. It was all mildly quiet and calm.

Then suddenly it was if a tightly pulled tether had been snapped. Kallen was screaming and throwing everything she could get her hands on at people, into thin air or at anything that would break. She was like a wildfire, destroying everything in her path.

Naturally I was quick to protect myself, darting behind the chair I was previously sitting on. Others weren't so lucky. Rollo was hit in the head with a lamp and Shirley...well...once Kallen saw her she was all over her, kicking, punching and clawing. She didn't stand a chance.

I was quick to call for help.

It took three nurses to subdue her and after she had calmed down Kallen was immediately put in solitary confinement. Shirley wasn't that hurt, only a couple of nail tracks and bruises. Rollo's head was bleeding quite a lot but it was a superficial wound, nothing serious. I myself was mentally dazed but not physically hurt.

Now, it may have been my restless state which caused me to seek out Lelouch after after seeing Kallen completely break down, or perhaps I simply wanted to see him. Either way I soon found myself outside the ebony haired teens room, staring at Lelouch read a book within the comfort of his own space. I cleared my throat.

Lelouch turned, noting my presence. Usually he would have just ignored me but I suppose there was something about me that made him hesitate to simply turn away. "Yes Suzaku?"

"I...does she always break down like that? Kallen I mean..."

Recognition passed across Lelouch's face. "When it happens its usually quite suddenly, there's not really any build up she just snaps. That's the main reason Kallen can't leave yet, she's a threat to everyone around her. Anger issues are relatively normal, Kallen's anger issues are dangerous."

"It's just, I mean, I know I'm in a mental institution but this is my first time_ feeling _like I'm in one," I elaborated.

What I was saying was true. To me this might be all fun and games but other people were coming here to get fixed. We were all here to be glued back together to resemble something normal but I was more concerned with breaking what they were trying to fix in me. I didn't want to get better, I wanted to stay as I was. I was better this way.

_What? Better being scared of everyone around you dying? Better keeping a distance from everyone so you won't be hurt? Better playing games than actually having relationships? Better hurting than being hurt?_

Yes.

_You're more deluded than I thought then._

"It was bound to happen at some point. There isn't even that many people here, the situation gets even worse when it's a larger group. There's more breakdowns, more mentally unstable patients, more crazy in general," Lelouch replied smoothly.

"Sounds...fun," I said sarcastically.

Lelouch shrugged. "It's something you get used to."

"So, you've been in here more than once then?" I enquired.

Lelouch seemed to hesitate for a moment, contemplating whether or not I was worthy enough to be told the slightly more personal details of his life. He looked me up and down before sighing. "I've been sent here specifically three times and to another institute in Britannia twice."

Well, he certainly outdid my record of once in the nut house; though I doubted I would be let out to have a second time. At least not while I was an apparent homicidal maniac.

"Willing to tell me why?"

Lelouch caught my eye, laughing as he eased himself out of his chair and approached me with a devilish smirk. That was right before he slammed the door in my face.

Why did I always ask the wrong questions?

Thankfully I hadn't blown it because the next day Lelouch let me sit with him at breakfast...and lunch... and dinner too.

The two of us conversed lightly at first, at meals and such, talking about mostly irrelevant things before we shifted into the phase of getting to know each other.

Apparently Lelouch had a thing for listening hardcore bands, however at the same time he appreciated classical music. He speculated his upbringing triggered his taste for finer music but his desire to rebel against his upbringing spawned his love of a good electric guitar rift. That was another thing I'd learned about Lelouch, he detested his upbringing and most of his family. This abhorrence wasn't very prominent at first but as he opened up more and more I found myself catching that certain hateful undertone when he spoke of his family, mostly when he discussed his father, though he wasn't too pumped about his mother either. It seems that she preferred to flit around the globe on his father's pay check as opposed to taking on the responsibility of being a mother. But there was some family members he didn't mind. He had two sister who he liked but had grown apart from in more recent years.

All this information lead me to one conclusion. Lelouch was dreadfully lonely.

He didn't seem to have proper friends, nor did he seem to be interested in making them. Yet he was intelligent, interesting and honestly good to talk to. It made me wonder why he was even in a mental institution. It was like there wasn't anything wrong with him, sure he was a little cynical at times but that was probably just a part of his personality.

So, what the hell was Lelouch's problem?

* * *

I leaned over the desk, taking in Lelouch as he scribbled in his journal once again. He had surprisingly long eyelashes, for a guy anyways and his hair was so shiny and black...I just wanted to run my fingers through it, wait, no I didn't. He was wearing the green turtleneck today and damn did it fit him in just the right way. Lelouch had four turtle necks he liked to wear, a purple one -which appeared to be his favourite- a blue one, a green one and a plain black one. Somehow they all suited him.

"Lelouch, do you ever wear anything but turtlenecks?" I asked.

The ebony haired patient didn't even stop writing. He simply paused, rolled his eyes and continued. He'd gotten used to my annoying enquiries as he attempted to jot down whatever was in his little black journal. I couldn't help it though, I was prone to seek entertainment. It was boring sitting down, staring at someone write, even when they were as nice looking as Lelouch.

"Let's go find something to eat," I whined.

"Afternoon snack won't be on offer for another half an hour," Lelouch pointed out.

"Doesn't mean we won't be able to find some food, doesn't Rollo sometimes stash his snacks sometimes? We could ask him for something."

Lelouch scoffed, eyes not once leaving the page. "You know he uses them to trade."

I smirked, sliding my arms across the table in order to gain Lelouch's full attention, pretending I was stretching. "But you know you'd be able to get us some things for free."

That made him stop. He turned the full force of his glare to me. "I am not using Rollo in order to get you some snacks, just wait for the next 25 minutes."

I huffed, crossing my arms and using them as a cushion for my chin. "Fine, you don't have to get so serious on me, it was just a suggestion."

"Well it was a terrible suggestion. Just because Rollo doesn't mind me does not give me free reign to walk all over him in order to gain what I want."

Spoil sport. Ah well, he was real cute when he was annoyed.

* * *

**And that shall be the end of chapter 3. Review and stuff because they make me feel all warm and fuzzy inside. **


	4. Chapter 4

**Dear Guest who called me an amazing little shit, I like your attitude, keep up the good work. I would also like to thank anyone else who reviewed. I was planning on ignoring this fic for like another month before I read all your wonderful reviews :)**

* * *

Rinsing the last of the conditioner from my hair I shut off the shower, stepping out onto the bathroom mat before choosing to wrapping a towel around my naked body. I was roused in the early hours of the morning by a nightmare and found I simply couldn't fall back asleep. After lying in bed thinking about how much I didn't want to get up I forced myself to roll onto the ground before hopping up and getting in the shower. Now that my shower was complete I found myself at a loss for things to do.

When I was dressed it took me no more than fifteen minutes to get bored and make my way to the common area in search of something to entertain me. There were a few books and such there which would be able to tide me over until the day started. Though I found when I arrived at the common room I was taken aback. I expected to see empty tables, empty chairs. However the sight that met my eyes was not that. It was something better. Lelouch was curled up on one of the couches, a patchwork blanket coiled tightly around his body, only his expressionless face visible.

"Lelouch?" I called out lightly, making my way over to the dark haired male.

He blinked, as if waking from a dream. "Suzaku? Why are you up?"

I swallowed. "I don't know, something just woke me."

I carefully sat beside the airy male, judging his expression all the while. Lelouch seemed...disoriented. He was there but he wasn't really _there. _This wasn't the Lelouch I knew, this Lelouch was odd and vacant and mildly concerning.

"Are you alright?" I asked.

That seemed to really rouse him. Lelouch bristled, gathering up his blankets. "I'm perfectly fine," he huffed, rising from the couch. I rose with him.

"Now if you'll excuse me I have better things to do than wait around here for the cows to come with you," Lelouch bit out before storming off.

Well that was weird. Looks like Lelouch was NOT an early morning person.

Later that day Lelouch emerged from his room, his perfect persona having returned. He greeted me graciously and we easily slipped into our normal routine. For the next week there were no other peculiar incidents involving Lelouch.

However, come Monday Lelouch attended breakfast in his pyjamas, wrapped in the exact same blanket I had found him wearing on that fateful morning. When I mentioned his choice of dress he looked down, back up at me and groaned prior to trudging back into his room and swapping them for his usual turtle neck.

I couldn't say I understood what was happening. Lelouch was so...normal most of the time. This sort of behaviour seemed so out of character. He didn't talk as much, changing clothes was becoming an issue for him and on more than one occasion he didn't even brush his hair. Then there was that blanket! It was like a safety net, I had tried to take it away from him once and he had slapped me! He apologized afterwards but of course I couldn't forget what had transpired. I just knew whatever this was had to stop.

* * *

It was the third day Lelouch had been wearing the same pair of pyjamas and I was just about ready to snap. This was getting ridiculous. His hair was sticking up at odd angles and he had bags under his eyes, for a man who only wore pyjamas he didn't look like he was getting much sleep.

"Lelouch-"

"Lelouch sweetie, it's come to my attention that you haven't bothered to change in a while. Is anything the matter? Do we need to up your dose of medication?" a nurse asked kindly.

The dark haired teen plastered a fake smile on his face, "I'm perfectly fine, I just haven't brought myself to drop off my laundry in a while."

"Okayyyyy. Why don't we just take off the blanket? It's quite hot out today," the nurse said, attempting to ease the blanket off his shoulders.

Lelouch sprung to his feet immediately, as did I. "Don't touch me," he hissed, backing away from the nurse. She was quick to call in reinforcements after the incident with Kallen.

"Lelouch I was just trying to help you," the nurse soothed as two men rushed into the room.

"I don't need your help you incorrigible wench."

The nurse flicked her fingers and the two men began to advance upon Lelouch. I knew he needed to calm down but this was too much, Lelouch was likely to get hurt if they attempted to subdue him. I placed myself in front of my increasingly agitated friend.

"Don't touch him," I growled.

The nurse moaned. "Please Suzaku, don't create another problem."

"Don't touch him and we won't have a problem."

Not taking his advice at all the two male nurses started creeping towards us before charging aggressively towards me in an attempt to knock me over and thereby pacify me. Using my military training I used their own strength against them, flipping them both with ease. The two lay winded as I took my place next to Lelouch, grapping the hand that wasn't holding his blanket up.

"Now if you'll excuse us Lelouch has an appointment at 10:30am to see Dr. Lloyd, I hope you realize how foolish this was, you created an issue were there need not be one. Goodbye," I fumed, darting back to Lelouch's room. Who gave a shit about his appointment anyways?

I sat Lelouch down, puffing angrily. I should go back there and fucking kill those assholes. They didn't even know how to do their job. Let's attack the terrified mental patient! Yeah, great idea! I would love to see their terrified faces when I took the life from their bodies.

_You can't kill everyone who gets on your nerves, we've covered this time and time again._

Yes, and yet I still keep having these thoughts.

"Ah, ummm, thanks," Lelouch said, blushing.

"It's no problem," I replied, because it really wasn't, "look, I'm gonna go blow off some steam but you stay here." If I was there any longer I may take my anger out on Lelouch even if he wasn't the source of it, I was just feeling so out of control right now and it was best to distance myself from anyone I even mildly cared about when I was like this.

"Alright..."

The next few hours were a blur. I know a few nurses and the like came to see me but if I addressed their presence I'd lose focus and if I lost focus someone would get hurt. It was easier to pour my hatred for everything in this world that breathed into exerting myself physically rather than murder someone trying to do their job.

When I broke from my trance due to the sheer physical strain on my body I collapsed on the floor, too tired to get up and use this bubbling rage against anyone.

People had their mental exercises, I had my physical ones.

* * *

The next day I did not see Lelouch once and I felt surprisingly lonely. I'd gotten used to waking up and sharing breakfast with him. Chuckling under our breath when Cecile failed yet again to get anyone to open up in group therapy. Annoying him continually when he chose to use his diary instead of paying attention to me, till he slammed it shut, proceeding to glower at me before we both broke out into pearls of laughter.

I missed having a friend.

Days passed and Lelouch did not emerge from his room once. I tried to ignore his absence. I really did. But it was as if there were a part of me missing.

So I took to hanging around in his room whenever I had free time. Lelouch, of course, ignored me the entire time for whatever reason however I didn't mind that much, as long as I was around him.

It was a Saturday, a day when we pretended we were normal teens and had a normal weekend. I was doing homework in Lelouch's room -yes we still have to do homework- when Lelouch suddenly turned to me.

"Get out."

"What?" I asked, confused.

"I said get out. I'm sick of you being here, you're nothing but a nuisance."

It was as if Lelouch was speaking another language. Get out? Why did I have to get out? I wasn't even bothering him like usual, this was me being nice.

"Just because you're sick of me being here doesn't mean I have to leave," I replied.

"Suzaku, it's not like you're hearing what I'm saying. I want you to leave. Your general presence is grating on my nerves, get out," Lelouch said coldly.

What the actual fuck? I was getting on _his _nerves. This treatment was getting on mine. I wasn't a fucking cockroach that had wandered in under the door. I was his friend. His only friend.

"Why would I get out?" I said, challenging him.

"Because I want you to. Because you are the most annoying human who has ever lived."

Wow, fucking rude.

"You know I was just trying to help...company can help sometimes."

"Well I don't want anyone's company, least of all yours. Go back to whatever hole you festered from, I don't wish to see you any longer. Merely looking upon your face causes many greatly negative emotions to spawn in my heart," Lelouch spat out.

"Fine, I'll get out but when you find yourself in need of a friend don't come crying to me," I declared, barrelling out of Lelouch's room and down the hall.

"I assure you I won't, my life is ten times better without you in it!" Lelouch called after me.

Well that couldn't have gone worse. Unless I stabbed Lelouch with my fountain pen. Twenty times. In his eye.


End file.
